27. Why You Need a Personal Retreat, How to Plan One, and My Experience

This is also a podcast episode! You can listen here.

It was Tuesday, July 9th. The day was already getting hot and muggy as I loaded up the car around 9 am. My middle child waved to me as I backed out of the driveway and drove away. She always has. It’s always hardest on her. But as I reminded her and myself, even Mama needs a break from time to time. 

I’ve been taking overnight personal retreats each summer since 2022. But I started with smaller retreats years ago. Why do I do so? What do I do on my retreats? And how do I even make them happen??? Listen in for all the answers!

What I Mean By “Retreat”

If having a personal retreat sounds good to you, I’ll tell you how to make it happen. But first, I want to talk to those of you who might have some objections to the idea of taking a personal retreat. 

To start off, let me define what I do and don’t mean by a personal retreat. To me a personal retreat is any time you have alone, preferably out of your home or alone in your home, used with the intention of recharging yourself. I don’t mean an expensive getaway with spa days, theater shows, and fancy restaurants. It could be that if that is possible for you and recharges you. But my guess is that those things are neither possible nor recharging for most of you. 

I also don’t mean an extensive amount of time. The amount of time isn’t as important as what you do during your time. To make the time a “retreat” you need to do something restorative that you don’t normally get to do. I’ve talked a lot in the past about having a quiet time each day. A retreat is something more, and ideally out of the house. 

Why You Should Take a Retreat

Now that we’ve covered what I mean by a retreat and that it’s not some grand event,  let’s talk about why. You all know how important I believe motherhood is. It is a privilege and honor. However, before we were mothers, we were persons. And we are still persons! That doesn’t go away. It changes some with the added identity of being a mother, but we we are still women with needs and interests. Quiet time helps meet those needs on a daily basis. Retreats help meet those needs on a deeper level. It allows you to recharge more fully. It allows the dust to settle a little, gives you space to sit and breathe and think for an extended amount of time. It allows you to do something you want to do, but don’t generally have time or space for. 

It is NOT escaping your life. I truly believe we can be happy and fulfilled in our day to day lives in our mothering and homemaking. But I also know that our day to day lives are a lot of work — physically, emotionally, and mentally. And everyone deserves a break from it all once in a while. Not to “escape” because it’s so bad or hard, but to just step away, recharge, and come back renewed and ready to get back in the swing of it all with a fuller cup. 

Okay, so if you were skeptical, hopefully you are now open to the idea of planning a retreat for yourself. So, how does one do that?? I’ll admit, it is challenging, but it is also possible! It takes forethought and dedication, but it can happen! 

How To Plan a Retreat

1. Decide how much time.

First, decide how much time you are able to take for a retreat. If you have a baby who’s nursing, what’s the longest he/she can go without you? (I don’t mean without any crying, but without being in despair… baby’s can handle 2-3 hours away from you at a time.) If no one is nursing, try starting with a whole afternoon. If all your kids are school aged, start with an overnight (or just go for it with 2-3 nights away!). 

2. Decide who will watch the kids.

Once you have an idea of the chunk of time you want to have your retreat, find someone to watch your kids. Maybe your husband can take a few hours off work, or give you evening or weekend time. Maybe you have family who can help. If not, see if a friend can watch them, and you can do the same for her another time. If none of those are options, maybe you’re able to hire a babysitter. Worst case scenario, put on a movie for toddlers and older kids while the baby naps. My point is, there are a lot of options and not a lot of excuses! There is a way! 

3. Put it on the calendar.

Okay, so you have your chunk of time figured out and someone to watch the kids. Now is the time to look at the calendar and figure out an actual day and time. Maybe you have to plan months in advance, that’s ok! Just do it and mark it down and honor it. It should not be changed for any reason except an unforeseen emergency or tragedy. Or rescheduled just once if necessary. In other words, you have to honor that time for it to actually happen. 

4. Plan what you will do.

Once you have your time carved out, you need to take some time to think about what you will use it for. The main goal is for this time to be rejuvenating for you and give you space and a break from your normal responsibilities. Planning and thinking long term might be something restorative. Reading a book for an hour or two without stopping might fit the bill. Journaling is another idea. Meeting with a friend could work, but I highly recommend including some silence into your retreat some how. Even just sitting in your car for 15 minutes with no agenda, just praying the Jesus Prayer can be very restorative. Only you can decide what will make your time actually a retreat. 

But, one thing you should NOT do, is spend time on a screen. If writing on a laptop is restorative for you, that’s ok. But no Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube, etc! Not even email or messages. Make your time as analog as possible. Give your brain a digital break. And, in my experience, time just moves slower when I’m actually reading or writing or just thinking. Once I’m on the Internet in whatever capacity, time just flies and I end up feeling overstimulated and disoriented rather than rested and recharged. I know I’m not the only one. Think about it and you’ll know I’m right. So just don’t do it. Plan other things! 

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you make the most of what time you are able to take: 

• What activity fills my spirit and brings me peace, but I don’t have much time for? 
• What is one thing that would help life feel smoother if I just have an hour or two spend on it? (For years, this was planning for me!)
• What can I do during this time to connect with God? With myself?

5. Prepare

Another logistic to taking a retreat is money. If you have a good library with study tables, this is the best option. Not only is that free, but libraries are so quiet! If you don’t have that, a coffee shop is another good option. You can get a tea or little treat for around or less than $5 and just stay for however long as you can! However, getting  a something you really love does add to the experience of a retreat, so if that’s a bit more expensive, take the time to figure out how to make that happen.

If you want to do an overnight, that’s more to think about. For my first few, my husband just made it happen for me. Now, it’s part of our budget — some money each month is set aside and saved for it. At this point, we budget $500, but I didn’t even spend all that on my retreat this summer, even though I ate out for every meal. My first overnight retreat back in 2022, I only ate out my last morning, after I’d checked out. Instead, I brought all the food I’d need which included mostly microwave meals, which I never eat, but I did that time since I didn’t want to have to cook and I couldn’t afford to eat out. So you see, sometimes you just have to get creative to make it work.

As your retreat approaches, you also want to think about how to make the time you’re away smooth for the person watching the kids. This could be a simple as having a snack and some books to read prepared while you’re out for the afternoon. It gets more complicated when you leave overnight. Think through meals with whoever will be watching the kids and make sure they are prepped or at least that you have all the ingredients.

6. Think About Re-entry

Also think through re-entry. It can be rather tricky, even if you’re just gone for the afternoon. If you’ll be coming back around supper time, plan to have something in the crockpot or pick up food on your way home. If you’re gone for a night or more, expect the kids to either be distant or clingy (I don’t understand it, I just know I’ve experienced both and every child is different!). Also, just be prepared to feel a little overwhelmed yourself at being back in it (and you will be back in it as soon as you’re back!)

If it’s your husband who watched the kids, expect him to be a bit overwhelmed too and ready for a break! I think the ideal time to come back after an overnight is after bedtime. This gives you time to adjust, unpack, reconnect with your husband and get a good sleep BEFORE greeting the children and attending to all their needs once again. Still, if this isn’t possible, don’t let it stop you from going at all. Just be prepared mentally for the re-entry. It can be a little bumpy, but it doesn’t stay that way. Leaving still ends up being worth it. 

My Experience

 So we’ve covered when, where, and how to plan and prepare for a retreat and what to do — and not do — on that retreat. To give you more context for this, I’m going to share my experience and current situation with retreats. 

For me, I need to be out of the house for it to really feel like a retreat. Before I could go somewhere overnight, I had to just deal with public places and using headphones to drown out the noise. I would plan and journal and daydream. I’d maybe take a walk at a park. At that time in my life, I really needed the time to journal about all my big feelings, think big picture, and plan ahead. 

Now that I have more freedom I plan two different kinds of retreats. Each month I take a morning at a local bake shop just five minutes away to review the month and plan the month ahead. I am able to leave my kids with my oldest. For me this is a retreat on a practical level — it gets me out of the house and allows me to think uninterrupted and without the distractions of the home. This kind of thing really fills me up and helps me feel settled and ready to go on with my daily duties.

The second kind of retreat I take is an annual two nights away. I find a reasonably priced Airbnb that’s about an hour away and stay there. The first three times I did this, I used the time mainly to plan the school year ahead and our overall schedule and routines come fall. With all the transition we had going on during those years, this was necessary. This summer however, I didn’t need to do that. I spent more time just sitting and reflecting, praying, journaling, and reading.

The past two retreats, I discovered I like to start my retreat with wandering around Target and other stores. I might have a few things in mind to get, but mostly I just look around and take pictures of house things I like. This feels so silly, but it’s like a live Pinterest stroll for me. I rarely go into any stores but the grocery, so it’s fun to see what’s out there even if I don’t plan on buying any of it at the time. A couple other things I really enjoy doing on my own that are kind of unusual are eating out and watching movies. So I prioritize quiet, reflective time, but I also add in things that are fun to me that I don’t do regularly. 

I am at a point where I can do all this, but you may not be there and that’s ok! Don’t compare and give up on the idea just because you can’t get away for a night or even a day. Any amount of time you can set aside to do something for you will be worth it and be a blessing. If you continue to make time for retreats, you will see the benefits. As your children grow, you will find the time for longer retreats if you are intentional and make it a priority. When you prioritize retreats — time for you to rest and recharge — then you are prioritizing your family by blessing them with a rested and charged mother. 

I hope this post inspired you take the time to plan your own retreat!