You Already Have Everything You Need

You can listen to this as a podcast here.

I was watching a masterclass on mothering recently. The lady had a lot of good things to say and I had learned a lot from her podcast, but when I saw the price tag on her membership and toolkit, it was a quick and hard no for me. And I am very glad for that because otherwise I would have really debated whether I should sign up or not. As I reflected on that, I realized I didn’t need it, no matter the cost. I already had everything I needed. 

Pep Talk for Myself

This post is pep talk, mostly for myself, but maybe also for other seasoned moms who still think or hope there is a magic formula out there to make all these things easy. It could also be for young moms who are spending a lot of time and/or money trying to figure it all out. Wherever you are with your mothering — seasoned or young, in your grove or floundering, I hope this gives you something to think about and a bit of encouragement too. 

One of the selling points for this motherhood membership was that everything that took her twelve years to learn as a mother through hard times could be learned in three months. That can be really appealing when you feel like your’e drowning in motherhood — and let’s be honest — that can feel like most of the time. At least, I know it feels that way to me. But the thing is, there is value in the struggle. I don’t mean to be cliche — believe me I dislike this fact as much as anyone — but the fact is, what we learn by struggling and the time it takes us to learn is just part of life and it’s very valuable. To tell someone they can bi-pass years of figuring things out could actually deprive them of some hard earned character. Or maybe I’m just telling myself that because I’ve learned most things the hard way. Either way, I still don’t have the answers to package up and sell to you. I’m not even going to try to do so because I don’t believe anyone has the answers you need but you.  And no one has the answers I need by myself. 

For any problem or situation that comes my way, I already have everything I need to handle it —and so do you. We all already have everything we need. What are these things we have? 

What Do We Already Have?

First, we have the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We have a God who loves us, who is always available to us. This is the ultimate membership — the Kingdom of God. Any problem, any question, any dilemma, we can go to God and ask for His help and guidance. And He will answer us. Sometimes it’s not when we want or the answer we want, but if we still ourselves and truly listen, we will get His answer. 

Second, we have the Theotokos, the saints, and our guardian angel. Did you pour your heart out to God but still feel like sharing? Talk to the them. They will pray for you and even guide you. 

Third, we have ourselves. What I mean by this is that after God, we are the best experts on our family and home. We know our children, we know ourselves (if we don’t, we need to work on that!), we know our limits, our hopes and desires. No expert online can have that knowledge. 

Fourth, we have real life people. Hopefully you have your husband or a family member or friend you can turn to for various issues or interests. Maybe there’s an older mother at church you can ask advice from. Maybe there’s someone younger who has completely mastered a kitchen skill you don’t have time to research. Have them over to show you! My point is, that no matter our social situation, most of us are living with and around people who can teach us things. 

Fifth, there is SO much free information available. There are books at the library — my recommended route to take if you want to learn about something. There’s the Internet too. Of course we have to be careful with these resources and make sure we aren’t spending all our time learning or searching and actually apply what we have learned. 

Examples in My Life

This past December, I joined the Minimal Mom’s online membership. The daily short videos and the weekly home management class appealed to me. I even thought for a moment I’d enjoy posting my progress and commenting on others’. I was still deep in my decluttering energy and I wanted more pointers and encouragement. However, by March I realized I was spending more time watching the videos than actually decluttering. Many other things were preventing me from decluttering too, but my desire wasn’t waining. I didn’t need encouragement or even tactics or information. I simply needed the time to do what I knew. 

And that goes for motherhood. By this point, I know — in my head — what I need to do for my family. I simply need to be consistent to do those things. When something comes up that I don’t know how to handle, the first thing I need to do is pray. When I remember to do that, I usually realize what I need to do. Sometimes talking to someone helps too. Occasionally I will read books to help. Often I turn to the Internet and YouTube and unless it’s for a recipe, book recommendation or something specific, it ends up being a waste of time. At best, I find something that reminds me of what I already know. 

So let me remind you — and myself — lovingly but firmly — just go do what you know already! 

Need Some Direction?

Now, if you feel like you don’t really know how to mother and run a home well, here are my suggestions. 

1 – Learn about yourself. Look into different personality types, not to label yourself or box yourself in, but to get insight on how you work best. And maybe you’ll even learn about your husband and kids too. This kind of information is really helpful as you move forward in establishing routines, systems, and culture in your home. 

2 – Learn how to plan. When you have routines and a fairly consistent schedule, then you have the time to get to the homemaking responsibilities and caring for the kids without feeling like you are constantly responding to things. You need to learn to plan in a way that works for you and your brain, which is why it’s so important to learn about how you work best.

3 – Learn how to parent well. My suggestion for this is to read Parenting Toward the Kingdom on repeat. Maybe add in one of the recommended books from the back too if you have time. 

4 – Learn how to take care of a home. Cleaning, cooking, and decorating are all skills that can be learned and there are a plethora of resources that can teach them. Find some books that seem oriented to how you work and try applying them. If you don’t know the best way to clean something, look up a YouTube video and watch one (or two), then go try it and figure it out! There are so many things in the home that if we take the time to think about it, be intentional, and pay attention, we can know or figure out what we need to do. For cooking, I recommend The Cook’s Book. I already knew a lot about cooking, but have learned some very helpful key things from this book. For decorating, I love all of Myquillen Smith’s books. 

For all of these and anything else, first pray. Pray for guidance, for the resources you need, and for direction. God will guide you from there. 

For the more seasoned Mom, I want to encourage you to lean into what you already do and know. When I get discouraged I tend to think I don’t know what I’m doing and need to figure something else out. Often what is really the case is that life is just happening, or things have just gone off course. We don’t need a new course, but just to get back on the course. 

New ideas are always enticing and I often feel like I could be doing things “better.” I have been listening to “The Opt Out Family.” I have definitely learned things, but I’ve also just seen how much I’m already doing right.  For example, some suggestions the book gives for creating an engaging atmosphere in the home were to the effect of “pick some flowers, put up some artwork, bake some bread, read to your child.” Check for all of the above. Often I do not notice the good happening in the home, and just worry about the imperfect things. I would wager the same is true for most of you.

I’m not saying there’s never room for improvement or that we can stop learning now. There’s always room to grow and things to learn, but there are seldom times to scrap things and rebuild. Rather, little tweaks or returning to what works is what is needed. 

Pay attention to the good, do what you know, and pray about the rest. 

To wrap this up I want you to read for you Psalm 22/23. I know this is a very commonly quoted psalm. This use to annoy me, but as my family has been saying or singing this at prayers for awhile now, it has really touched my heart. As I read it, think about your needs as a woman, wife, and mother and how God gives you all that you need. 

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. In a place of green pasture there hath He made me to dwell; beside the water of rest hath He nurtured me. He hath converted my soul, He hath led me on the paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake. For though I should walk in the midst of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff , they have comforted me. Thou has anointed my head with oil, and Thy cup which filleth me, how excellent it is! And Thy mercy shall pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord unto length of days.