Let’s Talk About the Phrase “Just a Mother”

This is the transcription of the podcast episode of the same name. If you would like to listen, you can do so here.

I remember early in my motherhood an email cycling around (this was before social media was a big thing). It went something like “The Salary of a Stay at Home Mom.” Then it listed all the roles a stay at home mom fulfills: caretaker, cook, laundress, house cleaner, activity coordinator, etc. It gave an approximate salary for each role and added them up which came to be very high salary! The point was to show how invaluable a stay at home mother is, in a bit of a comical way. 

Another message I heard a lot as a young mother (probably through blogs and podcasts) was to not think of yourself as “just” a mother. That the word “just” be littles you and your role as a mother. 

Today I want to talk about that phrase “just a mother.” I want to look at this phrase from a couple different angles, encourage you to embrace your role as a mother, no matter your individual situation, and look at this phrase from an Orthodox Christian perspective. 

One angle to look at the phrase “just a mother” is from the angle of whether the mother should work or not. If a mother does not have some sort of job she is often labeled as “just a mother.”

A few decades ago, the distinction between a stay at home mom and a working mom was very distinct. You either didn’t work and stayed home, or you worked outside of the home.

There are still people saying women should not stay home at all, but work a full on career, and but now there is also this subtle theme implying that women should stay home, but make a business out of it with a lifestyle platform or doing something on the side.

These days, there are so many opportunities to work from home be it starting your own business or working virtually for someone else. Working no longer means full-time careers; there are many jobs available for very part time, say 5-7 hours a week to more traditional part time of 20 hours a week. And because there is so much opportunity out there for stay at home moms, I feel like there is a new expectation on stay at home moms to take advantage of something and help provide for their families. 

Certainly, it is a wonderful thing that women can both stay home and help their family financially while doing something (hopefully) fulfilling, but what troubles me is this growing expectation that all moms should do this too. Social media and the internet is full of experts telling you how to make business with IG or a blog or YT or Amazon or start your own business, etc. Again, it’s wonderful we have these resources, but it can start to feel like if you don’t do this and you don’t “take advantage” of the opportunities, then, well, you are “just” being a mother. 

So that’s one way to look at this phrase “just a mother,” but let’s address it from a deeper angle.

Regardless of whether a mother stays home, or works inside or outside of the home, she has a lot of roles that fall within the title “mother.” No one is “just” a mother. Most mothers are also a wife. Before the role of wife, every mother is a person. A woman. And every woman is a child of God. So if we’re looking at a mother’s roles in order of essence, she is first a person, a child of God. Next she’s usually a wife, then a mother. Friend/daughter and sister are in some sort of order, maybe all equal, maybe more friend, maybe more daughter — it’s different for everyone. Next in role is probably homemaking, unless one is able to hirer out all those things. Even so, the woman is usually who makes decisions about outside help. 

After that, the types of roles have a great variety. For me after homemaker would come teacher, then priest’s wife, then podcaster. Think about what roles you would add to this list for yourself. 

So you see, no one is “just” a mother, even if she doesn’t have any roles after homemaker. We need to honor the choice women have to not add roles beyond being a woman, wife, mother, homemaker, and daughter/sister/friend. That is still a lot to manage well. Sometimes I wish those were the only roles I had. 

And yet, I also have had that yearning to do and be more than “just a mother.” I would probably have it again if laid down most of my other roles. Because we are persons before we become mothers, then we have our own unique set of interests and talents and a desire to use them and stimulate our minds and to grow as a person.

I firmly believe that there can be time and energy for caring for or family and home and pursuing something on the side that brings us joy and makes us whole. I do not believe, however, that those interests should be pursued at the consistent expense of the family and home. If one manages family and life and home well, that paves the way for time for other things. (How one does that is a whole other subject!)

So I’ve taken these two views: one, that not taking on roles beyond motherhood and the home IS enough And yet, two, no one is “just” a mother — we are persons, wives, family members, and friends. Our role of person alone makes us unique, valuable, complex, and worthy. 

Mothers specifically are worthy in their unique role as a mother because that role is valuable and indispensable.  That’s not to say they shouldn’t do more, but that they do not need to in order to have value — they have value in personal worth and motherhood alone. 

So if you chose to not add on extra roles, do not feel you are less than. But also, do not feel as if you can’t add on extra roles because you are mother. There are pressures both ways. There is value in both choices. 

As Orthodox Christians, we know we can look to the Theotokos as our best example of a woman and mother. She was chosen to bear Christ, and yet she did not write a book about her experience (though I for one wish she did!). She didn’t become a famous evangelist, though I imagine she changed the lives around her. We actually don’t really know much for sure beyond what is in the Bible, and that is not much. But we can know that she is always praying for us and watching over us because the Church tells us so and many people have experienced her guidance and protection. 

I hope this has helped you see yourself in your many important roles, including mother, and that you know you don’t have to do more to “be” more, but also that there is more to you than “just” motherhood. We are women and wives, who also have the honor and privilege to be a mother. What blessings! 

Now, I have addressed this idea of being “just a mother” because it is a theme women hear, feel, and talk about. But ultimately, my dear sisters in Christ, it is actually a mute point. We are all called to be Christians, no matter our roles. We are all called to pick up our cross and follow Christ. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through HIm.” 

Whatever our roles, we do fulfill them for Christ. We use the challenges and the blessings, to grow us closer to Christ. This is the beauty of our Orthodox faith. It is not black and white. Sure, there is a design God gave us for motherhood, but ALSO we are all unique and our circumstances are unique. We are all called to live for Christ, to follow Him, but exactly how we do that will be different for all of us. But for all of us, it will include denying ourselves, serving and loving others, praying, fasting, giving alms, and seeking God’s will and kingdom in all roles we find ourselves in. 

As Orthodox Christians, we do not concern ourselves with worldly status. We do not worry about if we are living the “right” way according to the world. We are beyond the society and this earthly life. We seek to unite ourselves to Christ. If we have this perspective, then every role is through that lens of being a Christian. I am a Christian woman, a Christian wife, a Christian mother. Being a Christian becomes the most important thing and all our other roles are made possible and blessed and are geared toward that focus of following Christ. We no longer care if we look insignificant to the world. We are only looking to please Christ and He in turn will bless, strengthen, and guide us. 

Remember this above all when you are feeling discouraged in the daily life of washing dishes, preparing food, corralling kids, and picking up toys. None of it is meaningless. Everything has meaning when we bring Christ with us. Through the prayers of our most blessed mother, the Theotokos, may we call gain our salvation through the holy work of motherhood, which is anything but being “just a mother.”